Opinion | Editorial
When an acquaintance slid into the booth across from me at a café in Helen, I looked forward to catching up over lunch. But as I started to share a story about my cat, she let out a sudden giggle—not at his furry antics, but at something on her phone. Her eyes darted down, thumbs flying across the screen. Every few minutes, another burst of laughter escaped her as I tried to keep the conversation afloat. Despite the smiles and occasional “Sorry, what did you say,” her distraction left me feeling invisible.
This experience wasn’t just a minor breach of etiquette; it was a subtle yet profound reminder of how our actions can diminish another person’s sense of value. At its core, etiquette is about respect—the silent acknowledgment of someone else’s presence, humanity, and worth. Ignoring someone to focus on a device, no matter how unintentional, signals that their company isn’t as important as whatever’s happening on the screen. Over time, such interactions erode our relationships and chip away at the small courtesies that bind us together.
Etiquette, often dismissed as an antiquated set of rules, is less about rigid do’s and dont’s and more about cultivating an environment of mutual consideration. Whether it’s silencing a phone at the dinner table, addressing a thank-you note, or holding the door for someone, these small gestures convey a message: “You matter.”
Dressing the Part
Another vital yet often overlooked aspect of etiquette is how we present ourselves. Dressing appropriately for an occasion sends a silent signal of respect—not just for others, but for the event and its purpose. The importance of this hit home for me one somber afternoon when I attended a funeral.
As I approached the service, the unmistakable tune of “Born to be Wild” filtered through the church doors. I paused, double-checking the address—this was definitely the place. I lingered in my car for a moment, taking in the scene outside. Clusters of men and women milled around the greenspace near the entrance. One man, I kid you not, sported a shirt emblazoned with “Vagitarian.” The rest were dressed in an eclectic mix of T-shirts and their classiest tube tops.
I am not one to clutch my pearls. That said, the disconnect between the gravity of the occasion and the extremely casual appearance of the attendees actually caused my jaw to physically drop. The lack of effort diminished the solemnity of the moment as if the ritual of grieving no longer merited ceremonial respect.
Dressing for the occasion isn’t about adhering to outdated social hierarchies; it’s about demonstrating mindfulness. When we take care to dress appropriately, we signal our recognition of the event’s significance.
As Audrey Hepburn reminds us, “Good manners are never unlearned and help guide people through life in an honorable way.”
This principle applies equally to more casual scenarios. I recently stumbled across a heated discussion on a local Facebook page where parents debated whether it was acceptable to attend their child’s school chorus concert in pajamas. “At least they showed up,” several commenters argued, as though attending in any state justified a lack of effort.
But I believe that showing up isn’t the full measure of parenting, professionalism, or engagement in our communities. Children learn through observation, and the way we present ourselves—even at mundane moments—teaches them volumes. By dressing with pride, we model self-respect and set an example of how to approach the world with intentionality. It’s not about wearing designer clothes or adhering to rigid dress codes; it’s about understanding that outward presentation reflects inward values.
In society, we often settle for the bare minimum, offering only what’s necessary. A McDouble satisfies now and then, but there are times when we should order from a higher tier of the menu—especially when the resources we offer are the sustenance others rely on. Quality, intention, and care can make all the difference when what we provide nourishes more than just the body, but also the spirit. In short, wear pants to your child’s chorus concert. Their reputation and yours hang in the balance – regardless of how we feel about that reality.
Etiquette as Connection
Some might dismiss etiquette as superficial or elitist, but at its core, it fosters connection and empathy. Consider a gesture as simple as saying “please” or “thank you.” These words cost nothing, yet their absence can feel glaring. Think about the last time someone failed to acknowledge your effort, whether holding a door open or handing them a cup of coffee. The sting of being taken for granted underscores how much these small rituals of gratitude matter.
In a world increasingly dominated by virtual communication, these face-to-face interactions take on even greater importance. Technology, for all its benefits, often tempts us to forgo the niceties that maintain our social fabric. Sending a quick text or reacting with an emoji might suffice in casual exchanges, but deeper relationships require more than shorthand sentiments. They demand thoughtfulness, presence, and effort—the very principles that etiquette seeks to uphold.
Reclaiming Politeness in Modern Times
If etiquette feels outdated, it’s because we’ve conflated formality with insincerity. Yet, there’s nothing insincere about showing respect for others. On the contrary, etiquette becomes more important as our lives grow more hectic and fragmented. A well-timed “How are you?” or “Let me get that for you” can brighten someone’s day in ways we rarely measure but often feel.
Author and actress, Reese Witherspoon highlights the values of Southern hospitality in her book Whiskey in a Teacup. She shares, “Our famous hospitality isn’t martyrdom; it’s modeling. True Southern women treat everyone the way we want to be treated: with grace and respect—no matter where they come from or how different they may be.”
Etiquette also acts as a bridge between generations and cultures, allowing us to navigate differences with grace. My grandmother, for instance, insisted on sending handwritten thank-you notes for every gift, no matter how small. At the time, I thought it was a waste wondering why a text wouldn’t suffice. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve come to see those notes as a powerful expression of gratitude—a tangible acknowledgment of time and thought. Reviving such practices in today’s digital age might seem quaint, but they carry the weight of care and connection.
Moving Forward
Etiquette isn’t about perfection or pretense. It’s about striving to make others feel seen, valued, and respected. Whether it’s putting away a phone during lunch, dressing thoughtfully for an event, or offering a sincere “thank you,” these small actions ripple outward, creating a more considerate world.
As we navigate modern life, we would do well to remember that etiquette isn’t a relic of the past—it’s a tool for building a kinder, more connected future. By choosing civility over convenience, we affirm not just the worth of others, but our own capacity for generosity and grace.
