I settled in Cornelia last summer. Daunted somewhat at the cow to human ratio and lack of Sunday brunch options, I nevertheless decided that I liked Habersham County. A transplant from Alpharetta and Buford respectively, I appreciate the nearby impressionistic red barn resting at a coquettish lean, the 10-minute commute to the store, and evenings of sonorous frogs and cicadas resonate from a nearby thicket.

Yet, in one regard, apart from the apparent lack of champagne before noon, I acknowledge only a single disappointment, but this a considerable one, and that is a real dearth of small town friendliness. After years of academic research in the form of reruns on TV Land, I expected the hospitality of a local chicken sandwich chain and the quaintness of a downhome country restaurant. Hence, my consternation when I downloaded the Nextdoor App and joined a countywide neighborhood Facebook page. Until that moment, I thought I liked my local restaurants, coffee shops, neighbors, and grocery stores. Yet, I learned that the waitress was always on her phone, the barista incompetent, that Ted needs to mow his grass, and the self-checkouts operate as an equivalent to Soviet Era breadlines.

If you can believe it, I thought the local small business I visited last week served quality products, paid their employees well, and treated customers with respect. Yet, according to one online contributor, beneath the friendly actions and exteriors, this business held secret, nefarious beliefs and agendas! By these descriptions, country living looks a lot like 8 Mile Road in Detroit.

Now, I want to emphasize that during my time in Cornelia more than a few individuals opened their front doors, back porches, and UGA painted cornhole boards for myself and my husband. I have even formed a few meaningful friendships. Yet, now I can’t help but wonder if these very same friends sometimes speed on J Warren Road, sit down for a moment during their 10-hour work shifts, or even make a mistake on a person’s coffee order.

The good news is, I’ll likely soon find out their dark deeds when I next go online.